The only people who were guilty were not just the liberals, the left wing, and the communists. There are problems which began to surface with Ann after she decided to wait 7 years to make contact or find us. We had fallen, we were wounded, and we needed her and she decided to maximize her political amplification to emphasize how much she deserved or was a shining star who up to this point, really could not be blamed.
It is true, Ann was kicked out. It is true that she did nothing to get back in. Instead, she went off on a promotional stunt to promote books and to emphasize a conspiracy. Meanwhile, she was angered by the personal relationship which she wanted but was having difficulty gaining advantage. It began to surface how television appearances and making some grand presentation was more important then what she was actually fighting for. She was seeking to get back in with the elite soldiers and the pack. She made a fortune and even if she was given a grant for research and motivation. Up to this point she was such an asset and brilliant. Thus, the long hiatus created an abandonment which she was not fully committed to. This is how the media reported the affair.
There are a lot of things which promoted the offense she was not committed and fully faithful to what she was professing herself; the welfare and the presentation of the SATWAR program. There was nothing to suggest she was running around behind our backs but there was nothing to suggest otherwise. Her enemies were also on the attack and they had created either rumor or pain to the idea that she was not trustworthy or could be trusted.
There were a lot of privacy issues and intrusion issues. There were a lot of complaints about stalking and spying. There were a lot of issues involving a severe and offensive level of invasion and invasion of privacy. The better words were rape and forced unlawful carnal fantasies which became forced unlawful carnal nonstop courtship. These people were possessed, they were evil, they were out of control, and they insisted the most ridiculous assumptions such as how they played a vital role. It was not a vital role; they squandered everything and would not go away. Squandering, stifling, and flagrant waste became open ended murder attempts. The final act was murder and an attempt of murder.
Ann up until 2008 was kicked out. She was seeking a way to come back and make good of what happened. Her life and life dream was taken and stolen. She was forced to watch as her life dream was replaced by nothing she would accept or stand. She wanted to stay with us and stay with the soldiers; to stay a military wife. This was knocked off the road in 1999, 2001, and 2002. She was cut loose because people were getting pissed off with her and it appeared she was “playing with the devil” and refused to stop when they led to attacks on soldiers and their families. In other words, once they knew she was emotionally attached, they exploited her sympathies and targeted innocent people in order to question what she was doing. She refused to stop and was cut out of the loop because the level of insanity was in a meltdown. She was angry her life dream was taken, stolen, challenged, her kicked out, and everybody turning on her. It is not accurate to say she used the situation for political gain or to advance her own political gain to profit on a gimmick. She was in serious pain.
Part of that pain was how to get back in. She could not argue how she was treated unfair and kicked out for obeying orders. Secondly, she did not expect the near Soviet cell betrayal of the Bush Administration. It was some kind of backup and had she made one wrong move, they would have taken her out also. She owed no debt at this time and was not disgruntled because she profited and was asked to leave with no hard feelings. The SATWAR program was did not need her nor ask her for any debt to pay even if she made millions from the valuable association and the lifelong partnership. It was already a battlefield and the major players were hit hard. She was told to abandon the battlefield as it was too dangerous and causing collateral damage on our own. In the heat of battle, you can hate someone so badly you block out what actually is needed. You have to stop your attacks and treat your wounded. If her team was hit and decimated, then she knew they were wounded and the issue was how to deal with this battle scene, she was scared and it is nothing to take lightly.
From 2002, we will see the continuation of Ann’s crusade to 2008 which will be the epitome of her journey, 2008 is the epitome. Someone was missing 12 trillion and their mission was knocked off in 1998; then to make her come forward or scream, they began a slow murder, “if it is that valuable to you, let us know.” They were not responding to anything else and even if they were spies, left wingers, liberals, and moles; they insisted how there was a shadow stalking them. Someone was trying to apprehend them dead or alive but they did not know who or what was going on. There were 12 trillion dollar hitters on them and closing in and they just hit the apex of the tip but did not know it. This was never revealed and thus they kept this up until 2008 when it went public and all over the world.
Ann learned a lot when she hung around us. She became us and talked guns, nuclear strategy,
When she did, life became very hard because now two stalkers and hers were world class lunatics. She was viewed as bad news and a tornado which we could not control and she loved this. She enjoyed whipping her stalkers to pursue her more and when we saw her coming, the natural idea is to run also or shut the door. She callously forgot we were wounded, we had fallen, and in desperate need. The anger with her went back to how we were wounded back in 2002 but she was so mad at them she developed tunnel vision. The best soldiers are much disciplined and they stick together; we do not know how to deal with this and we already are overwhelmed with a political breed and race of jackasses who salaciously offend with repugnance. She is an uncontrollable outsider who was claiming to be friends but her circle of friends were utterly dysfunctional and she hated them.
She loved the idea that danger followed her the minute she stepped in the door and it was viewed in similar light as why she was kicked out and ignored before as unsympathetic in the heat of battle and uncontrollable. Bringing women into combat is not the most strategic idea but it is not the wisest one either. However, we had been knocked off and decimated. Ann loved the beautiful disaster she created and the name of being a beautiful disaster and now this reunion was very painful. Her genius in selling herself explains the dynasty she created and her brilliance in selling books. When we were leveled and injured, it was her world and she ruled it.
It was her voluntary recognition to come back in 2008 and this caused a lot of more problems. She did not owe a debt and she was heartbroken. Nobody knew if she was vulnerable because she did not become hysterical, exploit grief, or pandered to her masters. Her own party turned on her and demanded she bow down to their power. Her enemies were closing in and she had no anchor left. Her party shut her out, her enemies were moving to betray and destroy her, we were mad when decimated and wounded; it seemed like she was enjoy our grief too much and gaining way too much. We are the ones missing 16 trillion and wounded and she is unscathed. This being how you cannot have a higher calling and more commitment to anything else in your own dying life; she appeared to be showing off and getting madder at those who were truly responsible. She is just meat thrown into the lions den and they love meat. This is just not a situation which can be described as favorable or winnable; thus, she may have exacerbated it and led to our own downfall, targeting, and grievances.
Her socialite status grew and her tornado of a life grew also. Nothing she touched now was clean. She was no longer a novice and worked hard while we were in federal prison and in a coma. Maybe she was unfaithful and maybe she was not. The idea is how to regain and scurry for reentry before the window of opportunity closed. We can carry this analysis to an endless mess, the idea is how the exposure and the continued exposure to this political breed and race of jackasses produce a scornful, disdain, negative, horrific, stress, anxiety, and insanity. If there was a human being in Ann, what kind of human being was she now after her world collapsed?
Everything she touched was a dirty controversy, a conspiracy, some promotion, or used for gain and promotions. Her love life and personal life was worth much money to the paparazzi. If she goes on a date, it becomes news. She was in a prison which she created herself and had to please her masters if she wanted a “nice and comfortable” life. That lifestyle is run by the liberals, the left wing, and the communists. She became part of the machine she hated and criticized. She was a mystery not yet unwound. She was running loose with the very same people she hated and despised. She showed a degree of callous to why she was kicked out to begin with and the appeal to gain re-entry was very difficult to accept as a genuine appeal.
She may have downplayed the idea she was desperate, wanted back in, or was fearless; but now she may have run out of excuses and cards to play. In the eyes of her enemies, she was considered a bad choice for a mate and in the eyes of her own side, she was worse. She loves the mystery, she profits and gains by creating it, her audience loves it, she enjoys the creation of the worst image and her pride is based on her ability to keep her “pets” in place. The word to describe the top of that mole hill is a tyrant and despot. There is no other way because it is a spinning oracle of crap which is nothing but utter insanity and delusional lunacy. It is the self inflicted death of a human being to be in it. It is just a cruel and vicious monster and the question was whether she was a monster now also. You cannot survive in that climate unless you are a monster or one of them.
If she was hurt she hid it well. If she was faithful, then she hid this well. If she wanted to come back, then she did things which can be described as stupid and eccentrically callous. She was flirting with disaster while she was trying to make a reentry and present herself as a shining scathing emblem serious about our lives and our welfare. It seemed she was having too much fun. It seemed she was searching for fame and fully aromatic in her contradictions. She was brewing with stymied contradictions and telling us the same things which she told her enemies, “We do not know a damn thing about her.” We know enough to pick up on a severe insensitivity and a lack of commitment. As long as she was able to play it off or play this game, then her enemies would say she was one of them and played the game just as good as them. That was them, but this was us.
Our friendly political breed of jackasses and race of losers were humiliating and stalking us to prove we could not do anything wrong or they were the same. The only way they are the same is to squander our perfection, precision, and methodology. Then turn around and seek advantage by attacking and continue the attacks for a full decade. They brought in spy cells, they called terrorist cells, they paid off right wing politicians, and they did everything they would all on the idea they could borrow and rack up debt to have this left wing lifestyle. This political breed of jackasses and political race of oddballs then tried to make it look as if Ann made this happen. They insisted she shut up or go away. Ann turned around and separated herself from them and declared she did make it happen and was with us.
We now have two sides, both are running our life while it is being squandered and both were insisting and decrying how we had to or should shut up. Belittled and riddled to a pile of parchment; we are forced to derive our lack of cooperation for this insanity which Ann was becoming more deeply committed to. Now everybody insists they are and were running our life while squandering it and their political antennae muted the idea some coming event was in waiting or was building up to berate and betray them. Regardless, they insisted how others were stuck in a bunker mentality.
With two sides, this crazy stalking was being measured by effort and labor. Now there is debt being formed and we do not want to pay any debt to anyone, get lost. This is a political breed and a political race of jackasses and losers. Now they are in the most vicious fight and the SATWAR demeanor is not obtuse to the idea of quivering. The SATWAR program announces and publicly amplifies the idea of preparing for the most vicious fight of their life with no let up until hard conscious answers and closure is given or sought. There is not a debt to be repaid and nobody can claim any debt owed. The ordeal was so offensive you wish to tell the speakers and the people who kept on “lecturing” to shut up, sit down, and notice how they are falling down on the same whimpers. It was so offensive they called Al Qaeda to do us in and attack us even at a more escalated and higher level. At the time, they just did not tell us or were keeping this from us as we were doing to them.
Ann was angered and ruined on a different level and playing field. It is a level she considered and still considers very private. The only person who she speaks to about this is the ones she calls her lifelong partner. She is in trouble with everyone, even her own. Her anchor is the SATWAR program but most especially it is her lifelong partner. If she betrays him and becomes too much similar or like her enemies, this being as offensive and callous as to promote more insanity and a political stunt; then she like them will not have the political antennae to pick up on events to come and reclamations. She is a spinning tornado and she knows when we say “stop it and now” we truly mean it and are truly mean. It is utter insanity and if she becomes just like them and the same as them, then she can join them as well and her reentry will be met with the same trite before. We truly hate these people while she likes to attend social events, dinner, dates, and create scandal with them. In the end, the question is how far she went, how far distanced is she, and how much did she squander for her own personal fame. Her fame has given her cold comfort to what she says she hates. While this hell is on fire the only thing anybody will hear is, “you don’t know a damn thing about me.” That is her problem.
The fear and deep threat is how she is so angered and ruined, similar to us and the SATWAR program, where “we” have become obsessed and so devoted to their capture dead or alive. The fear is how this tunnel vision is the heat of battle, sometimes alters and bends the human soul into odd and warped shapes which is so negative it squanders others in a resentful tirade. This may have been why we are beginning to detect a problem with a relationship which has been a life long partnership but has become a real problem. Things are still being squandered but now it is more “self mutilation.” Are we turning on each other and turning on our own because we were pushed to far and endured too much? Again, the trademark of a political breed and race of jackasses who squander everything they lay hands on. If our lifelong partnership was squandered then it was the result of arrogance, political opportunism, perfumed social parties, demeaning gatherings, doodling coddle of socialites, pompous resentful pride, an elitist rant, while the soldiers were bleeding in the streets. Additionally, there was this inclination to use, “you don’t know a damn thing about me” in a defensive and defending manner. It is some kind of mental block and mild retardation conjures up some coming storm. She had been rejected in 2002 and somehow perceived to be involved in this wanton orgy of hate, lunacy, homicidal tirade, worthless existence, and penniless fortitude which eventually leads to squandering and over speculations of error.
During 2002 to 2008, Ann returned to answer some questions or tried to make a painful return for some reason which she owed no debt to. Why is not known or whether it is a political stunt or being used to exploit a political disaster. She seems to be the only survivor and ignoring her was more difficult than ignoring the credibility of the liberals, the left wing, and the communists. It unnerves the soul how Al Qaeda had contacted us and was doing a hit and defection with a Soviet sleeper cell trying to steal the SDI program right from under our noses and while our eyes were wide open. It unnerves the souls how they really do not make an effort to tell us who and what they are also and how we have to chase them down. For someone who is as brilliant, perfect, and genius as she and having adopted all the “soldiering” our lives our infused with; it is hard to believe she would make such a poor decision to come back and face constant ridicule. Here is the ridicule which she was told and ordered she owed no debt to:
· Made it look as if she made this happen
· Made it look like she had an important role (failed in stopping their attacks and shutting them off, shutting them out; then professed a vital role to SATWAR).
· Made it credible but still repugnantly offensive and salaciously false
· Dealing with a constant and ongoing failure
· Derisive and inconsequential to the summary of what had to be done
· Would not obey orders or requests and set in motion an insensitivity of back and forth growing in numbers
· Squandered what was once a sacred relationship by associating or linking some vital and key role with efforts and a follow up of debt owed on unwanted or undesired efforts forced upon others
· Made it credible and unbearable for a life partner and set off to disprove any doubt of this vital role in the family only to succumb to a moment of clarity and genius to squander the end or the end result
· Made it credible and adhesive to the mental facility to do whatever was asked and portrayed or professed an invaluable role which could not be ignored or avoided; then decided all the sudden it was not principled and would not any longer
· Over played the need to find a decent, good, and trustworthy spouse and used this role in a manner which caused even the enemy to sense a feeling of fake and calculating merits; then used the pain of emotional attachment to abridge some other political domination or abomination
· Played with the lives of others in an insensitive endless manner while steadfastly obdurate for a domineering or superior motive which was based on a penniless circle of political jackasses and a political race of losers who were facing the death penalty for previous miscalculations
You have to ask if being with, being thrown into the lion’s den, keeping a circle of friends, letting them ravage and horny up life, allowing rape to exist but stopping right before the legal definition, trying to dispel and disprove sexual innuendo and misfortunes, and the entire brew ha-ha of the liberal, left wing, and capitalist who profit off them will be subservient to the notion of abatable internment of enemy combatants. The abatement of love, hope, change, and utter failure rings with blood and not freedom. Life partners are squandered and torn apart and left to finish it off between each other out of a disappointment and a heartbreak ridge yet stepped over. How do you mend a broken heart that is life long and even an eternity when the cold comfort is it is sleeping so near the confines of the another disappointment? Is it a disappointment or some vile human experiment which will not and refuses to go away but is so tornado in hell. Had the check list created in 1941, with Executive Order 9066, for the internment of enemy combatants during wartime used or applied today, we can add fifteen other criterion and check all of the previous while still not has the needed and necessary implausibility to intern and lock up this horrific flood of barbaric and homicidal immigrants. Have they become so powerful to attack and finally take over; because when you loose touch with the value of your fellow countrymen and heroes; you loose touch with the standards to call yourself a fellow countryman and its time you say goodbye and goodnight.
Could result in a feeling or a disappointment felt by the people who claimed to love her; maybe by neglecting her and refusing to call her, she felt somehow vilified but unable to deal with the overwhelming hell and pain which then succumbed to the forces around her. This would be the typical excuse for rape cases and why this vulnerability was now turned into opportunity for those even she hated. Put could have put a foot down or made some effort to say “I am with him and do not need you” or “I am creating too much scandal.” Then after a 7 year hiatus, which by now was severely broken and even worse, the good news floods in with repetition about how not a single effort was made to sit down and just talk or work out difficulties which were spiraling and getting worse. The enemy had won in 2002, but was it still credible in 2008 because of a few books written to document the horrific experiment and experience with tornado like broken hearts. It will always be a mystery and nobody will ever make no effort the second times around or do anything the other person wants or needs. This is how you live out and fulfill a disappointment. Maybe all of this genius leading to an ejaculation of utter stupidity and disappointment will take it to the grave or just go away and die.
Instead the long hiatus was filled with an appeal and a lack of disappointment; a lack of hurt and pain; a life still unaffected and wildly unadulterated filled lust, and escapades around the nation and vacation spots to balance this disappointment to the very ends of the earth and force a card of disappointment and an already lost dream which was a spinning tornado in 2002. Someone and somebody had an upper hand and wanted to lay down the near desperate plea to intern and seek internment of these lunatic and homicidal people. Yet, inconsequential to the tide of facts; the ones who wrote it or saying, “you don’t know a damn thing about me” were seemingly the ones who were castigating the lines or the issue. Deservingly the ones who refused to intern this liberal, left wing, and communist menace. It is an utter circus and a giant oracle of vitriolic crap which has hypocrite, bigot, penniless loser, liar, pathological idiot, and earmarked by war mongering and homicidal lunatics. It is being run by insensible and insensitive people who are also penniless and desperate.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Ann,
Before I start, the “crooked penis” was my joke, but got me rolling. Can you explain how you got that phrase about the crooked penis (porn)? Also, who of all people in this world do you think would know you better than I? But honestly, who knows me even more or better if it’s identical. So I ask for forgiveness, now it is your turn. I have confessed and written you. I also point out a hiatus between 2001 and 2008 which I owe no forgiveness.
Do you remember the girl at OC who told me to go down there and then was meaner than hell; told me to leave after I got there because she got a ticket for a red light and had to work and wanted to go to sleep because she had to work the next morning? I thought she was you, for real. She was so angry she kicked me out for saying one wrong word. Problem was I thought that were you and she was really ugly but that was in 1999 and I knew or began to think I was being stalked. I felt she lured me there after I had convinced myself it was you. She kicked me out after 1 hour and in the middle of the night. I was looking for you so badly then and you knew it because I was sending you all kinds of messages. I even told you to meet me down at the beach Ann. How many times did I tell you to meet up with me? Count 1999 to 2008 and was that your friend who told me told me off at the beach because from the time we spoke to when I got there it had to have been like 3 hours. Do I have a right to be mad? Then the next time I get your identical twin and what I think is Al Q hit, but do I even know who is chasing me or am I chasing them?
Let me ask you how much this means to you okay. How bad do you want me and how far do you want to go? Are you going to be hurt? Maybe I see it differently and I have always treated you with the utmost respect; are you going to be hurt at all? Or do you care? In tearing me apart and then tearing you apart, they managed to tear us apart. But the question is how you managed to make it out alive. You know if you did not stop them, your hubby would not be writing you these letters. What did you have to do if anything? It is a grave disappointment however you are the most special and the most important thing in my life. I would put down and drop everything right now if we can bring back what we had and have.
You come and sit down and tell me face to face how hurt you will be and if life will be any different. You got me all messed up. I too am beyond pissed off also. One day we wake up and our life is hijacked by Al Qaeda and the liberals and they tell us we have a death wish. That pain will never go away and it will hurt more than anything you will ever feel in your life; trust me, I have been there. I have no idea who is having a really good time out of this horror story. Maybe you are just scared of me and want bygones be bygones, keep your memory alive and cherish what we had. All I know is it never goes away and it will rip you apart, I have lost my mind at least 20 times already, and you know this.
I am so cold inside now and only you can bring me back but I need to know how much forgiveness you need from me. You think hard about this okay because I have been here before, it is hard to be friends and live life normally. I have never treated you with disrespect or lies do not double cross me because you are jealous or want to know how much I hurt. You look me in the eyes and tell me who suffered more? As a matter of fact, I don’t even have friends anymore as result of this. My goal was to leave the country and make a return after I get medical and therapy. I come back with all my guns blaring, why did you stop me? Are you only trying to patch this up because you are scared of me? Are those fake pleas and tears meant to throw me off and suck me into a tornado? Who has suffered more, the one who survived it or the one who lived it?
If I could have just gotten over the border, wiped the slate clean, gotten a job finally, and reached the intelligence services or the military boys; I would have at least an major contingency to even the insanity and the Al Qaeda problem. You have now stopped me and I feel sharp pain and I am very pissed off already. I felt and thought we settled this long time ago, back in 2002 with me yelling and screaming. I told you they won then, let it go; I had felt a physical change in my mind and a snap. When you lift so hard and your muscle tears, it never recovers and it is never the same. You will hear it, see it, and then it will never be the same. I am just coming back now and I have a break down every single weak while writing this. Something happened to me and it won’t go away. My eyes get bloodshot and watery and my veins feel as if acid is in them.
When you came to reach me it hurt more and it was worse Ann. However, I suspected something was out of place and not right. If you waited until I was better, then I want to scream now. Oh god, all the events came back and it is so messed up. It is more messed up than I even imagined. 2005 I could not talk; I was like a child and a vegetable getting driven around town filling some medication I felt I did not want or need. My favorite part of the day was when my sister asked if I wanted to go to dinner and where. Then I would sit around the house and wait until she left and got home like some space cadet who got separation disorders. I began thinking about my father and when he was a military officer and stories. I began thinking about the Generals and what they went through, all of them critically wounded also. Mine is different, I cannot make it stop.
The pain of what you did or what happened to you was totally new. I did not even know but I cannot surmise you had a great time, were grateful, or were affected and I hold the same careless assumptions today. They let me have 1.5 years before I could not stand it anymore. I do not know if it killed you inside but it does me knowing. If someone you loved with all your heart was hurt and lay fallen, how long would you wait to come to their help? Then you got them so paranoid they stepped it up double to make you scream again. These time no murder, close to it though; but it was totally fake, not like last time when it was real and in federal prison. That was a brawl, this was just fake legal.
(Dry your eyes Ann) how do we reconcile this now babe? It is being broadcasted all over the globe. Every intelligence agency in the world has contacted me and authenticated the reception or response of the emergency. They are squirming like sh@t and paranoid as hell; trying first to surge and get off that last shot. We have or will have our vengeance for what happened. How do we reconcile what happened to our dream? Our dream of a lifetime which I am not in and nowhere near; your life has changed and so has mine, worse and I cannot help to feel a little angry at you. It feels like your life just moved on and when you felt it was convenient you contacted me. I know if you held on and you wanted to have that life dream again, you would never ever ruin it; knowing how means I truly can be. You could have taken it to the grave. Why do I feel pissed and want to take it out on you for moving on and pretending like it was nothing. I sometimes cannot stop this and now it is worse. We keep secrets between you and me that others will not believe. Now I am using your power against you Ann and I know I will pay for this. You also know. I have tried to apologize to you and I have tried to reconcile this but as I said, it does not stop. They see how strong you are.
No, it’s not hard. Lies begin when you start out with someone and grow to extra ordinary levels. You dream of some moment when it is fulfilled and when it finally arrives, you are so mad, angry and hurt; you wonder what the hell has happened to us. How do we reconcile this? You are my dream, I admit this. We are identical, I admit this. I am scared I cannot live with you or without you, I admit this. I am scared I will be empty from now on and only you can bring this life back. I have tried to move on and tell you I would be back with help. This was the first time I have seen your books or the stuff you are doing. I am scared for you and I am scared for me. I had promised you when we started I would take care of you okay. I told you this world would be after me and to not get involved, just stay out or you will be hurt also. You turn around and piss on my word, thinking you will take some punches for me. Now I took too many and so have you. Do you think you can walk away from it that easy? Really…
They had defeated us in 2002 and you survived. They did call Al Qaeda and I did not even know. I was just so panicked and going nuts. I wanted a war and knew they were coming in for some kind of dastardly act. I did not know it was Al freaking Q because I was chasing them not them chasing me, “who the f@cks are these people. Oh sh@t, are you all getting this? Hey, snap the f@cks out of it will you and tell me you starting to see something?” Then it was, “man you are not going to believe this, did you see how powerful they are, they got me completely pinned and I cannot even go out. Meet me at the beach okay.” How do we reconcile this Ann, because I need to know how much forgiveness you are asking from me? I will not even mention how much forgiveness you have to give me because I had ordered you to not talk to me ever again. Like the stubborn little hussy you are, you went and pissed on that also. How do I reconcile this? Let me ask you how much this means to you okay. How bad do you want me and how far do you want to go? Are you going to be hurt? Really… What happened to Army Strong?
I do not think you are disappointed but your life did not stop. Mine did. It did not turn out as perfect as you thought it would and even you have told me why and all of these stories. I told you already how I felt left out and you are telling me you feel left out? That is ridiculous. You could have done something about it rather than wait so long. You waited a really long time. Rush used to come on his show and he used to keep emphasizing how he and some female acquaintance was out for dinner and people would come up to them. He emphasizes this was in
I don’t like what I see and I don’t like your attitude. You tell me I don’t know a dam thing and this is true. If you want me to know a dam thing, then please, lets not wait for my hip replacement in say twenty or thirty years okay. There are a lot of disappointments here and I can tell you as a hunky veteran of the relationship game; there are no winners. You either win together or loose completely. I thank you for many things and contacting me finally, I will not judge you too harshly and know you have suffered enough; wait, did you? (Remember that song by Sinead O’Connor “Since you been gone, I can do anything I want to… where did I go wrong…” listen to the song okay seriously.)
Ann, how long have we been together? Now ask me if you are acting erratic or if I feel you are acting erratic with me? Ask me if I feel disappointed and left out? You made a fortune and you destroyed lives probably. Why are we both asking why you are so far away? The attacks have not let up and it just a never ending story in a trilogy. Your stalker is not letting up and I know mine is not and stomping on the floor this very minute. So how hurt are you going to be Ann and how hurt will I be? Don’t f@cking play this game with me because it is so hard to feel anymore and now a day. How many times did you cry your brains out and I held you? How rare is that, seriously. You cry over a man and another human being? Did you cry when your father passed away? I used to not cry and now I cannot make it stop. I told you, after 2002 I snapped and something happened in my head.
You are the most important thing in my life and the most important thing that has ever happened to my life. It kills me. It kills me to witness this happen to you, us, and me. I will have to blame you for it. The reason why is because you had to live up to your name. Whereas, I am willing to drop it all and deal with my insecurities because I think there are things in life which are more important. Even if I choose you right now, I would not be making the most logical decision and I have tried to tell you how I see things and how I feel about life itself. I can pick myself up anytime I want and need but I cannot pick you up and after this does not know if I can pick you up again. Maybe you will learn something about love and how it will destroy you and uplift you.
You will never recover Ann. Not after this, please baby, I have begged you; I can pick myself up and we can pick this up anytime. Stop the f@cking world that the f@ck cares okay. But there are things I do not like and I know we are dying. You can keep running and keeping sitting in the corner while telling everybody how in love you are and how complete your were in 1999 and they will laugh like they are now while you cry. As I said and told you, they won in 2002. I knew I had snapped then, I felt it; I knew that was such “kill shot.” It was a kill shot for you and me and takes a look at the wound now.
I do not know how much forgiveness you are asking from me. However, you can continue this ritual you are doing and go where I go and do what I do for the next twenty years or until you can keep up this dual universe. Then when I date a girl or get married, you too can also. When I have sex with a woman, you can also. Every time, I do it, you can also. Is this what you want and need? If so, then let me know okay. At this time, I blame you and I am sure I can prove this. You know me, I will go off on a f@ck fest and screw the coolest college girls and get away with it. You live in a prison. You will loose Ann if you play with the heart and love. I have begged you and I have asked how much forgiveness do you need or am asking from me.
You will be happy in life and you will achieve monumental achievements no other has. Ask when and if you wish to stop. You know that song, “I tried so hard and danced so far, but in the end it doesn’t even matter.” You have a happy life you will have a happy life. Why are you mending things between me and you given you are scared of me? Are you scared enough to keep this game going? To try so hard and perfect it so hard that when you ask me what I think or how I feel, it’s gone and I am nowhere to be seen? That is a blind fool and I do not think that is you. But if you want to screw and go on a rampage of f@ck fests, I bet you I can rip your heart out at your own game.
You can lie to others about how we have not or have been together for a lifetime. I doubt if you can lie to me very well. Even if you did, I would not respect you any more. How much forgiveness do you need or are asking? Am I supposed to kiss your feet and beg now that I have been mowed down and trying to leave the country? Is that what I am expected to do? Thank you. If you socialite class or reputation needs preservation, then seek it in some college puke. He can be your arm candy and boy toy okay. You will have a difficult time with me. As I told you, I will put you in your place when and if you deserve it. Are you doing this for a weak guy or a great guy? You know I do not even give a f@ck okay.
I have told you the joy and the overbearing gift you gave me in your return. However, I am pissed and I am disappointed. People think you are stalking me. They do not know the real story. I am beginning to think you are stalking me. I am pissed and I have feelings of being stalked but disappointed. If you are going to stalk me, then try or make an effort to not disappoint me okay. That is the worst thing especially in love; you feel it is meaningless. You feel there is no reason to live. Do I give you a meaning to live and push you around enough to make you mad? Really… so you think I really that hot?
The racist remarks and how you are racist. That is a joke especially when I spent almost an entire lifetime with you. I think it is disappointment which they associate with racism. Define disappointment and you will touch on the feeling I have now. You know how good and how perfect I am and how I have been like this since age 5 when I used to tell my babysitters what to do and complain. I see it as odd also okay. Have I ever heard racist remarks or jokes from you? I see you as rather comforting and really cool. I’ll even yell at you. You a racist, that is a joke okay, you are disappointed. To express this disappointment, you joke about race to deter them and belittle them. I do it also and on my own. There are things about my own race which I am embarrassed and severely embarrassed about. I been with you for an entire lifetime, do I think you are a threat? I think your have your moments and can be very cute and sexy. But, I feel you squandered our relationship but I am not sure. I love you more than the world and I will gladly give up the world for you. But the question is how badly you squandered our relationship and our lifetime partnership? Again, how much forgiveness is I expected to give? A genius like you should know better. Maybe you are nervous and scared of me for real! Maybe in your mind, you think something greater than you and me is at work?
How long do you want to follow me and deny or not say? So you made them look stupid and they returned the favor. Now in my eyes, you are the blame and look stupid. However, you got them and got them for me. Wow, this never ends. You want to tell them that for the last 20 or 30 years how both me and you been in a special military program established for military families and this jackass and fool came along and ruined it all? Classic sh@t babe, really.
I am not scolding you. I am proud of you. Where I have a problem is how much of our relationship are you willing to sacrifice in order to achieve the fame, fortune, and name you obviously hate. I know you hate it and I know what they did to you. What they did may end up driving me off, yes run me off. You did well in life and you deserve applause, just not from me yet. There is a lot I “do not know a dam thing about you.” It is like you are my haunting ex girlfriend sent by the FBI reincarnated to drive me crazy.
Do not play the stalking game and parallel universe with me Ann; you know I hate that sh@t and I despise it more than anything in the world. If I go and f@ck a girl today, are you willing to do the same? Then how can you say the same? I had one goal I life and that was to find the girl of my dreams and find true love in this god forsaken world. Something or someone reduced me to a heaping pile of flesh and really threw a wrench in the wheel. Now it is almost impossible and along comes you. We have all the evidence and we know everything that went on. Time for a book tour and a social event right? See it is funny and at the same time, not so funny. The reason why it is not funny is because when you step back and look at it, it is us who are suffering, not them. They are just jackasses and losers; we are the ones who must live with jackasses and losers. I don’t find or see that as funny anymore. Is this how your life will finally be complete again?
You can follow me wherever we will go, you can play more than words, you can buy me a new life, you can stand by me, you can say look how he is the magic man, you can say don’t close your eyes, you can say this time all I want is you, you can repeat let’s go back to the start until it is real, you can sing the stabbing westward “I remember” song, but the best one has to be how we rise above this mess by Seether (also, add that video by Against Me of the girl attending the social parties and book tours). Ann, I feel your pain, do you feel mine? This is a deadly global game and I do not see it as a game really; do you?
It comes down to this, you claim to have been with me all along and then I find out you were kind of along with me for the ride. It is a game they play with the military all the time. This is why we stick together. I see you gave them ammunition. You made me disappointed while being proud. I am jealous and I feel left out. I think you rejoiced only because I made it or made it alive; maybe you were vulnerable or miserable. Maybe you just wanted to be happy. Maybe I’m a Martian because you don’t know a dam thing about me. Maybe when you were trying to hold on and you were vulnerable and miserable, you made mistakes, maybe I did also and honestly let go? Maybe I could not deal with it and maybe you could not? Who made it easier to deal with, me or you?
Stalking and following me is an insult. I do not know why some people think it is a compliment? Maybe when I was a kid, it was the thing to do to make friends. This means you insulted me even if you are my life partner. I do not need a lecture on divorce. I do not need a lecture on stress and police work and divorce. I do not need a lecture work-a-holies. Did you try to hurt me? I didn’t try to hurt you and had moved on Ann, for real. Maybe I did and you did not know how to deal with this? You saw me with other girls and asked why? How do I let him know and why can’t I let him know? The song by Poison, “if I could let you know somehow, every rose has its thorn.” Does it tear you up to see with someone else and to hear me say you were not very important or meaningful in my life?
The liberals are pathetic with their “call me okay” and “we can offer you better and have services which you may be interested in.” Ann, give me a f@cking break okay. I defied all the logic already by just choosing you. You are eight years my senior and you cannot have kids naturally. Your looks from here are on a downward slope and I missed you in your prime. You missed me completely in my prime when I had girls melt at my feet and looked like an Adonis. They wanted to jump my bones. Look, the same thing happened to you. Now we are on the down slope because of this political class of jackasses and race of penniless panderers. Yet I love you 30 times more, think you are so drop dead gorgeous I am paralyzed, I write you love letters every day that are so authentic your heart would melt if you even knew, I reduce you to tears and sniffing comforts, and then yell at you like a drill sergeant. Its classic because I would give up the world for you right now as a fair trade. I see it as an even trade.
Remember in 1999 when you wrote how your life was complete now? Is it complete or is it missing something Ann? Tell me what it is missing to be complete? Didn’t they flagrantly throw themselves at your feet and offer anything you would want to complete your life while hiding me and striking me down? Do I blame you? Do I blame your tornado? Do I think you can look at me and feel insensitive to what occurred? So I let go, and now when I date or move on, you do the same. So every time I sleep with someone you will also? Really? What do you think is going on and what do you know about disappointment? Honestly, are you truly scared of me or in love with me? Our life was complete Ann and it was complete when I graduated from college in 1998; next thing we know freaking Al Qaeda is contacting us and asking if they can come to the Ann and Alex show.
What is it going to take to complete it now Ann? What is it going to take to complete your life? You want to hold me and tell me how everything is okay and we have each other? You want to hug me each and every time we get a flash of pain or grief about why in 2008 we were miserable or acting like nothing was going on and how it changed or affected us? Or are you trying to tell me it is beyond redemption and past a point of no return? As I see it, your life is complete and you rejected every offer to join the enemies; this while you rejected my killing and mow down. But the striking irony is how it appears you were having such a good time or how it was just another social gathering, socialite event, another speech, or just another television appearance. To me that hurts and the pain is so unbearable it makes my love and total adoration of you fly off like a butterfly. Now does that make you cry? Does that make you cry a tear for me? Really? Maybe it makes you wish or want to exploit it as another political stunt or opportunity to get some media coverage? No, I have some disappointments I have not told you about. I believe and feel I am truly pissed off at the world now and I question where it is from or why.
If this was a conspiracy and a real life Soviet brain washing scandal which I have mentioned over and over; it has Al Qaeda and a communist spy master or puppet master of the highest levels; then you can see the degree of offense and how it promotes the idea we must be truly pissed off at the world. The liberals, left wing, and the communists are here and running loose and they should and deserve to be rounded up with a SWAT raid, given a fair trial, asked if they received a fire trial, and then locked up in an internment camp for being a human weapon of mass destruction and depression. It is a circus and you managed to make it to the top of the circus. It looks like you are extending your hand and telling me to grab your arm; correct me if I am not mistaken but why does everyone tell me you don’t care?
I am very proud of you and have stated how you are free around me, do you ask for freedom or freedom from me? I hope you can understand and if you do please give me the needed therapy I so desperately need to heal and move on. Would I drop everything right now and run into the arms of a racist when you and I know I would trade in this world for the fair trade I see here. What are you trying to tell me or the same, “You don’t know a dam thing about me?” What do you need to complete your life as you had so joyfully and jubilantly wrote in one of your columns in 1999? This is a deadly global game and I do not see it as a game really; do you? Why didn’t they just come out and say they were Al Qaeda instead of putting me through this heart break and make you scream along for the ride of your life?
Do I really love you or just think this is about money and politics? Really…
Alex
This was the 1960s and the head of
If two people could be or so deservingly become pissed off by a political breed and a political race of jackasses and losers, then let it be known that there are two 12 trillion dollar hitters who are truly pissed off. No, let’s rephrase that to be “that would be overstating the obvious.” If you look at the pictures of Ann while in high school, she looks identical to a girl named Tori Macinni who was the first girlfriend in 1st grade and whom used to get read to all day; thus, was like puppy dog in love. They are identical in looks, even with high school sweet hearts. If you look at the girl at the beach in 2001, she is the identical twin of Ann. She is every serious love in life. Maybe it is just a freak of accident and maybe we can write and document so many things the 12 trillion dollars cannot be adjusted properly. Whatever the correlation, there are other correlations with other people which is sonorous to the ordeal and the period between 1998 and 2008. Here is just a random list of them in a magnificent mess. When you are truly deserving to be pissed, is it right to tear each other apart in the melee even if both are not so innocent?
· Hillary Clinton and the 9-11 wives remarks
· Jonathan Edwards and his affair which Ann starts
· All the social events to match Ann up
· Some of the crazy events which you cannot describe as rape but also cannot
· Valerie Plume using the opposite of the truth in order to use
· Rumors and gossips about men sleeping over at Ann’s
· All the attempts to marry her with…
· The accusations she is homosexual or “high priced”
· Then you have the reports of sightings and tawdry affairs
· All the partying and missed vacations
· The Paris Hilton in jail twice affair
· The firings and “canning”
· The stupid invites and constant pestering
· Death threats and stalking
· Hundreds of investigations
· Rachel Mardsen stalking case
· Michelle Malkin case
· Lydia Cornell case and terrorism
· Jennifer Harbury case (This is another Cornell spy)
· We can sit here all day long or more and that is the overt level
· WASHINGTON - New York Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton lashed out at Ann Coulter for a "vicious, mean-spirited attack" on a group of outspoken 9/11 widows, whom the right-wing television pundit described as "self-obsessed" and enjoying their husbands' deaths.
· Ed Morrissey, who says he normally likes Coulter has rightly called her the mirror image of Ted Rall and suggests she make a real apology and retract her statements. That would be a start.
· AJ Strata is not liking Coulter’s brashness anymore than I am, and his commenters are taking him to task (and immediately, predictably, calling him a ‘closet liberal’) for daring to not appreciate her. Apparently now, if we do not subscribe to intemperate demagoguery, we are not conservatives.
· Rick Moran calls Coulter a Conservative Lout.
· Sister Toldjah writes, quite sensibly, “Ann, of course, has the right to say whatever she wants - but was something like that right to say? I don’t think so. This isn’t about being uber-sensitive. It’s about there being a better way to get your point across without going overboard.”
· Michelle Milking has a reprint of Dorothy Rabinowitz’s excellent take-down of the Jersey Girls written back in April of ‘04. Coulter should take note: Rabinowitz made a convincing case without descending to brashness or inhumanity.
· Having said all that, if there were ever two women who absolutely deserve to go at each other it’s Coulter and Hillary Clinton. Coulter oversteps and 
Ding, Ding! Back to your corners, girls and don’t swallow that stuff in your mouths, its pure poison; just spit it out.
· Vincent Foster suicide
· Scott McClellan book
· Jessica Lynch
· Pat Tillman
· Scott Heveleston
· Halliburton rape case
· Massive disasters unimaginable
Then there are the political stunts by Ann and the idea that she is searching for and looking for Mr. Right? What kind of crazy… way to get invited to dinner and social events? Oh she is in the dog house. Challenging the grief and papal razzis to find dirt on her affairs and relationships; either she is really good or a very good liar. Am I supposed to respect her and love her; or am supposed to blame her and how she whipped them up also? Which led to even more and massive injuries; it is so far beyond the line I want to blame someone and am I to say Ann is spit spineless? I almost was murdered then tortured to death and now… and she is partying with them or going on dates. Am I supposed to respect her and trust her? So who got it worse, the 12 trillion dollar SDI General or his chick? Does she have any last words she wishes to say?
“Talking to the Walls” lyrics by Finger Eleven
No hostage has been held like I've
Been holding mine but I'm just fine
Since I've been without you
No prisoner could climb the walls
That I've built up in my mind
Since I've been without you
But I'm holding down and out
I'm desperate without you
Look at the shape I'm in
Talking to the walls again
Look at the state I'm in
Bent and broken is all I've been
No universal truth this time
No other universe but mine
Could ever feel as unaligned
Since I've been without you
No instances from time to time
Feel like things will turn out right
Since I've been without you
No universal truth this time
There's no universe for you and I
And there's no one to make me realize
“The Best of You” lyrics by Finger Eleven
I've got another confession to make
I'm your fool
Everyone's got their chains to break
Holding' you
Were you born to resist or be abused?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Are you gone and onto someone new?
I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn't have
But had no use
I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can't choose
I swear I'll never give in
I refuse
(Chorus)
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Oh...
Oh...Oh...Oh...Oh...
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
The life, the love
You die to heal
The hope that starts
The broken hearts
You trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
I've got another confession my friend
I'm no fool
I'm getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new
Were you born to resist or be abused?
I swear I'll never give in
I refuse
(Chorus)
"When the Children Cry" lyrics by White Lion
Little child
Dry your crying eyes
How can I explain?
The fear you feel inside
Because you were born
Into this evil world
Where man is killing man
But no one knows just why
What have we become?
Just look what we have done
All that we destroyed
You must build again
When the children cry
Let them know we tried
Cause when the children sing
Then the new world begins
Little child
You must show the way
To a better day
For all the young
Because you were born
For all the world to see
That we all can live
With love and peace
No more presidents
And all the wars will end
One united world
Under god
When the children cry
Let them know we tried
Cause when the children sing
Then the new world begins
What "have we" become
Just look what we have done
All that we destroyed
You must build again
No more presidents
And all the wars will end
One united world
Under god
When the children cry
Let them know we tried
When the children fight
Let them know it ain't right
When the children pray
Let them know the way
Cause when the children sing
Then the new world begins
“I’ll be you” - The Replacements - 1988
If it's a temporary lull
why'm I bored right outta my skull?
Man, I'm dressin' sharp an' feelin' dull
Lonely, I guess that's where I'm from
If I was from Canada
then I'd best be called lonesome
[BTW, I read in an interview that Paul was struck with how some people in
Canada used the word "lonesome" instead of "lonely," hence this lyric.]
And if it's just a game
Then I'll break down just in case
Oh yeah, we're runnin' in our last race
Well, I laughed half the way to Tokyo
I dreamt I was Surfer Joe
An' what that means, I don't know
A dream too tired to come true
Left a rebel without a clue
And I'm searching for somethin' to do
And if it's just a game
Then we'll hold hands just the same
So what, we're bleeding but we ain't cut
And I could purge my soul perhaps
For the imminent collapse
Oh yeah, I'll tell you what we could do
You be me for a while
I'll be you
A dream too tired to come true
Left a rebel without a clue
Won't you tell me what I should do?
And if it's just a lull
why'm I bored right outta my skull?
Oh yeah, keep me from feeling so dull
And if it's just a game
Then we'll break down just in case
Then again, I'll tell you what we could do
You be me for a while
You be me for a while
and I'll be you 
“Rise Above This” Lyrics by Seether
Take the light, undarken everything around me
Call the clowns and listen closely, I’m lost without you
Call your name every day when I feel so helpless
I'm fallin' down but I’ll rise above this, rise above this
Hate the mind, regrets are better left unspoken
For all we know, this void will grow and
Everything's in vain, distressing you though it leaves me open
Feels so right, but I’ll end this all before it gets me
Call your name every day, when I feel so helpless
I'm fallin' down, but I’ll rise above this, rise above this
Call your name every day, when i seem so helpless
I'm fallin' down, but I’ll rise above this, rise above this doubt
I'll mend myself before it gets me
(I’ll mend myself before it gets me)
I'll mend myself before it gets me
(I’ll mend myself before it gets me)
Call your name every day, when I feel so helpless
I'm fallin' down, but I’ll rise above this, rise above this
Forty eight ways to say that I’m feeling' helpless
Fallin' down, fallen down', but I’ll rise above this, rise above this
“Sympathetic” lyrics by Seether
And my words will be here when I’m gone
As I’m fading away against the wind
And the words you left me linger on
As I’m failing again now, never to change this
(Chorus)
And I’m sympathetic,
Never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam
And it seems I’m alone here, hollow again
As I’m flailing again against the wind
And the scars I am left with swallow again
As I’m failing again now, never to change this
Chorus
Chorus
The same old feelings are taking over
And I can’t seem to make them go away
And I can’t take all the pressure sober,
But I can’t seem to make it go away
The same old feelings are taking over
And I can’t seem to make them go away
And I can’t take all the pressure sober
(I can’t make it go away. I can’t make it go away)
Chorus
Chorus
And I’m falling, falling, falling,
Falling, falling, falling, falling
Apart again at the seam…
“From Her Lips to God’s Ears” lyrics by Against Me
Regime change under a Bush doctrine
Democratic installations
Constant war for constant soldiers
What are we going to do now?
De-escalation through military force
Increase the pressure.
Oh Condoleezza what should we do about the situation in
Democratic elections under martial law
An Iraqi president out of control of our choices
After all this death and destruction do you really think your actions advocate freedom?
The President's giving a speech in
Do you understand what the Martyr stood for?
Oh Condoleezza, do you get the f@cking joke? [No!]
Condoleezza?
Condoleezza?
Condoleezza?
Condoleezza? What are we going to do now?
Condoleezza?
Condoleezza?
Condoleezza? What are we going to do now?
“Wonderwall” lyrics by Oasis
Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now
Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now
And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how
(Chorus)
Because maybe
you’re gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
you’re my wonder wall
Today was gonna be the day?
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now
And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after an
You're my wonderwall
Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
“I Remember” by Stabbing Westward
Do you ever wonder where we would be if we had tried a little harder
It seems like yesterday that we were making plans for the future
But it’s been so long since I have mourned the dreams
Those dreams we’ve left abandoned
And I’m haunted by your face and the memory of your kisses sweet kisses
Do you remember I still remember so much?
I remember never (always) feeling so alive
Do you remember I still can’t forget your touch?
We swore that we would never end we knew our love transcended space and time
The memories slip away the ghost of what we were is fading
But there is no more pain which is finally because that night I was dying I was
Dying
Now I don’t even recognize the girl I swore that someday I would marry
But I can’t forget her face and I can’t forget her kisses sweet kisses
Do you remember I still remember so much?
I remember never feeling so alive
Do you remember I still can’t forget your touch
Or how we swore that we would never be alone
Do you remember I still remember so much?
I remember never feeling so alive
Do you remember ’cause I still can’t forget your touch?
We swore that we would never end
We knew our love transcend space and time
Do you remember?
God I remember so much
